he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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