He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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