he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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