I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
it hurts more in the daytime
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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