My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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