What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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