So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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