It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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