so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
