I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
