.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
