Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize