so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
