Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
