i think i scared a bird with my dick
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize