If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
