I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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