My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
