Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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