his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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