it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
