I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
