I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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