I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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