ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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