fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
handjob tips. give me some.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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