Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
