Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
