WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize