Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
