You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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