Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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