The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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