You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
