shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
