She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize