I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
