he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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