he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
