if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize