I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He felt like a one man threesome
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Everyone says I win the strip club
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
