Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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