the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
