my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
