i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Who died my cat blue again?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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