i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
So. Much. Porn.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
