and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
All I want is dick and wine.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
