Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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