He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
