There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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