I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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