how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
