Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
