I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
