Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
