Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
