I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
