I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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