I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
