I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
