Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
